Lessons from a Giant Mess

My life would be incomplete without drama. Normally, being a husband, father, and pastor (with an outside job as well) provides plenty of this; but last week as my wife was out of town, the drama escalated to crazy proportions.

Here’s the short version. My wife and I spent a lot of time cleaning our house on Tuesday night before she left so that I could be ready for the Bible study that meets at our home every Thursday night.  It was vacuumed, straightened, in order, and looking good.  All I had to do was keep up with for a couple days and I was home free.

This wouldn’t be much of a story if it ended like that though, would it?

I came home for lunch on Thursday to find that my 6 month old boxer puppy had manipulated her kennel door open and completely trashed the house.  Plants were overturned. Candles, stuffed animals, toys, and various other things were shredded and ripped apart.  Shoes (mine and my wife’s) had been chewed on. There were feces in various places and ground into the carpet as if she had run through it repeatedly. I found pee spots in at least four different places.

I had walked in through the garage, not knowing what was ahead. I walked into the laundry room and saw the first pile of poop. Panic set in pretty quickly. I walked into the kitchen to see some trash and rushed into the living and dining room where the worst of it was. It very much felt like the movie, Marley and Me.

I screamed. I screamed a lot.  Honestly, there were no obscenities. I couldn’t even think of any at the time. It was more shrieks of terror and rage. The dog went and hid from me, making me even more angry.  I screamed more. After finding her, I used one of the shoes she chewed on to punish her and pushed her out the door.

I screamed some more and banged my palm on the door a few times. “Ahhhh!” I shouted. “Ridiculous!”  Not proud of myself, but I carried on for quite a while. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever been so upset in my life.

I went back to work tense and still upset. I tried to calm down, but it wasn’t as easy as I had hoped. I had to cancel the Bible Study so I could clean, but several things stuck out to me as I reflected on this.

• Screaming didn’t help, it made it worse.  Often we’re told to “let it out” but that’s not always helpful, especially in anger. I went through my afternoon so tense and it was hard to come back down. I realized what I wanted was change and screaming didn’t accomplish that. Physically, I even made myself hoarse. Emotionally, I was worn out. This is not even mentioning the poor dog who wouldn’t come to me when I called her in from outside. I made the mess worse.
• Doing the work is the only way to recover from a mess.  I screamed. I yelled. I did what anyone in this technological age would do, using Twitter and Facebook to show my disapproval.  I didn’t like the situation I was in. I hated that I had to cancel Bible study. I hated that I had to clean up a huge mess. I could have kept that attitude of complaining and grumbling as I did the work, but I knew it wouldn’t do any good. As I said, what I wanted was change. I had to just do the work and I could make it more or less painful with my attitude. Dogs make messes (and Lord knows, so do kids). You just have to do the work. Accepting it with humility is hard but necessary!
• The mess waited for me to clean it. Since I knew I had a night of cleaning ahead of me, I didn’t rush home but instead went to the gym after work.  Why? Spending mindless time on the elliptical machine is a huge stress reliever for me. I had already cleaned up the feces and urine at lunch so the rest was fairly standard cleaning (even if it was time-consuming). Sometimes we can tackle messes in the heat of anger and it takes us longer and causes more undue stress. It was much better when I had a better attitude to tackle it. Frame of mind is everything.
• I found myself thankful afterwards.  I wasn’t thankful for the mess so much (although I’m thankful I’m learning from it). I started thinking how much worse it could have been. I thanked God I came home at lunch even though it was a short one that day. I thanked God that my computer, other electronics, and their cords were not destroyed. I was thankful that the dog didn’t get into our walk-in pantry and go to town.  When you honestly reflect on a mess, there are always things to be thankful for.

If you find yourself in a mess today—whether a destroyed house, relationship, emotions, finances, or whatever else—understand that God is always bigger and greater. It doesn't matter if the mess is from your own choices or it was thrust upon you by others. I hope you can see some ways to deal with them more productively (even though it's hard). 

The Bible, or course, has a lot to say about anger and suffering (though I didn’t dive into it here). It’s always the first and greatest resource!

What’s your typical response to an unexpected mess? What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned from dealing with your own messes? Can’t wait to start a conversation!