Being Accepted & Barriers to Community

If you are a parent, you have undoubtedly suffered many indignities (if you haven’t, please let me know your secret).  There is the “showing off” when guests are at your home where they refuse to listen or just go crazy.  There are the loud outbursts in the quietest possible moments of church. And of course, there are the meltdowns and temper tantrums thrown in the aisles of grocery stores across the land.

Isn’t it amazing how when these things are happening to us, it is stressful and upsetting? But when we see somebody else’s kid on the floor of Wal-Mart, we may empathize and even offer a knowing smile to try to relieve some of their stress but we definitely don’t feel it the same way.

We have a lot more patience and understanding when it’s happening to someone else. At first I thought this might be an “I don’t really care because it’s not my problem,” but I don’t think so. For me, I have a personality that I want people to be accepted and comfortable. When a baby cries loudly during my sermon, I make sure to smile all the bigger to let them know it’s normal and we can all handle the interruption.

On more reflection, I genuinely feel like what it underscores again is the need for community and belonging. We need to know that we are not the first to experience the trials we are going through.  We need to know that there is hope on the other side whether it’s as big as sickness, deep disappointment, lack, condemnation, or depression—or as everyday as struggles with questions in our marriage, parenting, finances, or whatever.

Going back to the situation with our kids, we can be so frustrated and angry at their stubbornness or that they are embarrassing us. We can feel the same about our problems. Again, this can be anything from financial lack because of poor decisions or a battle with pornography—we are angry, frustrated, and embarrassed.

That doesn’t mean we can’t find a group in which we find acceptance, love, growth, and healing. While in the hardship, it’s hard to see in those moments that someone is smiling at you or even telling you that it’s okay. If you’re the other person in the grocery aisle/church row, you can play a part in making them feel at ease as best you can with very simple gestures.

I know some people who have said they won’t come to church because their kids won’t behave. I think that is so sad, but they may have reason for it based on their treatment in previous churches. The same is true for our “deep dark” secrets.  We think we’ll end up rejected and embarrassed because we are all alone.

Babies cry sometimes. Children misbehave. Struggles at times threaten to isolate or overwhelm us. We all deal with this, some of our own making and other situations being thrust upon us. We have to find ways to open up to safe people in our lives. At the heart of it, there is nothing that shocks Jesus or for which He didn't already pay for on the cross.

If that victory is real (and it is), it’s now the Church’s job to welcome, accept, and encourage.  The Church has to be a place of true community.  Struggles, trials, and sin are normal in this world, but thankfully we have grace that changes us.  It’s not that we pretend there’s nothing wrong with sin, but if we aren’t willing to walk out freedom with them we have no business judging and rejecting them.

What do you think? Do you see simple acts of acceptance as a good introduction to community? What do you think are the best ways we can break those barriers of people feeling isolated and alone in their struggles?