I have been pretty serious around here lately so I thought I’d snap way the other direction for you and do a fun/funny post. Whiplash yet?
We all know that the Christmas movies they put out year after year are the same ideas repackaged to seem new. Come to think of it, that's Hollywood's Modus Operandi for all of the year, but don't get me off my point. There are many inescapable clichés that have emerged over and over (especially in the TV movie genre) so I thought it might be fun to examine some of them.Put on your lab coat, grab your clipboard, and put on your protective eye wear. We are now researchers diving deep into the existential psychoses of the seasonal Christmas movie. No, not really. I found this great list on the subject from a site called uberfluff.com in a section called The Lazy Screenwriter’s Guide to Formulaic Magic.
If you want to write a great Christmas movie (or just know how to spot one), this is where you start:
- Fun movies about Santa should always feature nice, middle class families in single-family homes. Little boys and girls who live in the ghetto have an unfortunate tendency to ask Santa for things like food and heat, which test audiences find to be a real downer.
- However, poor little boys and girls are permitted to be part of movies where someone needs to learn, "the real meaning of Christmas." Of course, once the protaganist has learned that Christmas is all about love/giving/family/etc., it is best if the unfortunate child who taught that lesson gets adopted by someone rich, dies, turns out to have been an angel, or otherwise disappears so that the main character can enjoy a nice Christmas dinner without any lingering classist guilt.
- It is impossible to put up Christmas lights without experiencing a hilarious physical injury.
- People who deny the existence of Santa are mean and nasty souls (who usually wear cheap grey suits), and will inevitably get their comeuppance.
- The world can always use a new twist on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. The 40,000,000 different versions currently in existence have only scratched the surface of that classic. Hey, what about a Rastafarian Scrooge? Imagine the possibilities with the Marley character.
- You know what would be totally awesome? If we could get nine more movies with Tim Allen playing Santa Claus and making puns on the word "clause." Yeah, that will never get old.
- Big family gatherings are always full of colorful and eccentric characters who do witty and entertaining things, even when they're supposed to be "annoying." Even the arguments are funny. No one has arguments over whether the curtains in grandma's old house were brown or tan, nor are there any extended conversations about how long it took everyone to drive there.
- Unless the movie is the actual story of Jesus, you must avoid mentioning Jesus in a regular Christmas movie, since you don't want to come off too "religious" and possibly depress the international box office potential. However, you may use angels, unspecified miracles, and Santa to suggest the presence of divine intervention. If you absolutely must include God or Jesus in a modern movie, try to cast a minority or woman in the role--not only will you get to demonstrate how enlightened you are, but you might also get to hang out with Morgan Freeman.
The one I would add would be when everything looks like it’s crashing and burning, but then the snow begins to fall which makes everyone love each other again—somehow—magically. Lesson to be learned: snow is like nature's Prozac. Years of counseling couldn't bring a family together, but by golly, get some white flakes falling and all is forgiven and dandy! Come to think of it, this could be very useful. How about if we could just get it to snow in Iran. Nuclear crisis...averted!
State your case/air your grievances in the comments!
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