Breaking Up Is Impossible to Do?

A few nights ago, we were driving home from a prayer meeting at our church.  Our boys had ridden with their Grammy so we only had our daughter, Alicia, with me and my wife, Andrea.

We were talking and Alicia stayed fairly quiet. Then she broke her silence with this, “I know what’s going to happen.  You and mommy are going to break up.” She said it sort of laughing, like she thought it was funny.  Maybe she was trying to be funny, I don’t know.

Whatever the case, this totally caught me off guard because I don’t remember what we were saying but I do know that it would be hard to infer from our conversation that our marriage was in trouble.  Andrea and I have fought before.  Words have been exchanged loudly. Opinions have been expressed dramatically.  And yes, Alicia and our boys have witnessed such things.

This was not one of those times.

I immediately jumped in to let her know, “Mommy and daddy are staying together forever.  We made a promise to God and a promise to each other.  We are not going to break up.”

Andrea and I both calmly but emphatically stated this fact in multiple ways: we won’t give up on our family.

I don’t say that to put down anyone who has been through the pain of a divorce.  There are many and varied reasons marriages crumble for sure. I know that sometimes one person controls the entire process and helplessness ensues. I'm not addressing anyone else's situations or circumstances.

But why would I tenaciously and confidently assert such a bold thing to my 5-year-old daughter?

It could have been I was trying to reassure her or protect her, but no, there is a much simpler explanation.  I wholeheartedly believe what I told her. There was no hesitation in my voice, and I didn't have to stop and consider what my response would be.

My wife and I are not going anywhere.  Whatever problem we face, we face it together.  Whatever obstacles arise, we trust God put us together and knows how to care for us completely.

We don’t beat each other or the children.  We aren’t alcoholics or drug dealers. We don’t cheat on each other.  That’s not to say God can’t do a miracle in those situations, but we aren’t facing these types of difficulties (and neither are lots of  other couples) so why would we even think about giving up?  

We have real problems for sure, but we took divorce off the table as an option a long time ago.  We don’t even joke about it because it’s just not an option.

Yes, we believe firmly that God hates divorce, but that’s not why it’s not an option (or not the only reason).  We know what we entertain playfully now could someday be a consuming thought.  We know working hard at things, putting God first, and continually growing in our love will have to be enough.  Whatever is lacking, we trust God will provide.

From the moment we were married, we became family.  We left everyone else and cleaved to each other. Thankfully, we still very much enjoy the cleaving (oh, she’s going to kill me now—won’t have to worry about divorce), but I have confidence that God brought us together and He can maintain and finish what He started.

I think life is like this.  Sometimes we hurt ourselves by keeping certain options off the table, but other times we weaken everything by holding options we shouldn’t be touching with a ten foot pole.

I know my wife and I have been tested on this and will be again, but I’m boldly proclaiming that breaking up is impossible to do for us—as long as we allow God to be our foundation and truly seek to love and care for each other as God has shown us how to love.

We aren’t perfect and I haven’t quite gotten “loving my wife as Christ loves the Church” down yet.  I do press ahead with my partner, my lover, and my friend.  We are stronger together and with grace, we will endure until the end.

How about you?  Do you feel like having certain things as possible options could lead you that direction? Or do you think I’m nuts and have no idea what I’m talking about? You can tell me—I can handle it.